Knackered

I am knackered, I do not know why I could possibly be so tired, but I am that kind of tired where you  just want to cry, that super emotional kind of tired. I wish it was bed time, but it is only 4:55pm, so can't really go to bed yet.

I had a tiny binge earlier, I had a cornflake cake, a few Thorntons chocolates and a piece of cheese and tomato pizza. I purged after and haven't eaten anything else today and do not plan to. I know tomorrow I will feel the  need to make up for my greediness today and that scares me.

I met with a really good friend today, I have talked about her before, she is so wise and I love her so much. She told me today she is pregnant with her sixth baby, I am over the moon for her, she is an amazing mother, I think sometimes I wish she was my mother. She is a lot older than me in case you haven't guessed. I have never really got on with people of my own age, I have always tended to build friendships with older people. I think when you have had as many problems that I have had and have had the experiences I have had, being around people my own age just doesn't feel right. I don't want to talk about trivial things like what I have bought in a clothes shop or how many times I was sick this morning due to my wild night of drinking last night. It just isn't me any more. I guess I have grown up quickly. I do not drink, I do not go out clubbing, I guess I don't have anything in common with people my own age any more. My life feels to serious.

I would like to say I have made it the full week with out self harming, which was the aim I set. I wanted to go to my appointment tomorrow with my psychologist and be able to say I haven't self harmed. Maybe I set myself to bigger target, I don't no, but I am going to go to my appointment knowing I gave it my absolute best and I am happy with that.