Don't you just love life

Been a busy and draining few days physically and mentally. Lets start at my second therapy session with my Mother on Friday. It was laughable, I am very much a person that has to laugh sometimes as otherwise I will cry, I did both in the appointment. My mother was lest with the task from the previous session of considering getting individual counselling for herself. Her answer was a definite no, she says she doesn't see why she needs it, there is nothing wrong with her, she dealt with her issues a long time ago and I have no right to ask her to bring them up again.

Next up for discussion once again was the fact that from birth I new how to push my mothers buttons, apparently the others always new when to stop, but I always took it too far and new how to get at her (remember we are talking about from birth). This is no new news, I have been told this more than I can remember, but hey it is always nice to be reminded right?

We then decided to talk about that fact that 'professionals' apparently told my mother from when I was a young age that I would never amount to anything and would never be very bright, so that is why my mother felt the need to tell me that it didn't matter that I wasn't intelligent whilst I was growing up, but that instead I would make a good house wife.

We talked a lot about the fact that I have always had a extremely close relationship with my younger brothers and my Dad, my psychologist pointed out the fact that my Mother seemed very jealous of this, my mother denied this.

The thing that hurt the most was when my decided to say that she doesn't believe that I have been unwell for as long as I have been, her words were 'I just don't see it' 'I would have known'.

At the end of the session I told them that I no longer wanted to continue with therapy with my mother, I was told that I was giving up because it was tough, so we have agreed to carry on, so I can't wait to see where this leads.

I spent the day with my sister yesterday, she wanted to shop for a new dress to wear to her birthday, I am not the most patient shopper in the world, I tend to buy what I need and get out of there, my sister on the other hand loves shopping and will do it for hours. We talked about our Mother a lot, she told me that our Mother has been talking to her about our sessions, what my sister said just confirmed what I already new, my Mother really does believe she is innocent in all of this, someone else is to blame for everything.

Any ways, self harm has been scary, food has been restricted, weight is dropping. My move date has been moved back to the 13th of June now, but hey ho that's life.