So as I am writing this I am once again sat in hospital waiting to be stitched up,it is the third time this week I have been sat here, the nurses are getting fed up with me, I am fed up with me.
I have my second therapy appointment with my mother tomorrow, it is going to be the last, I am not going to put myself through a week like this again, I do care what my psychologist or my mother says, it is not working and isn't ever going to. Some relationships cannot be fixed and that is the way it is with this relationship. I am not sitting there for another hour listening to my mother blaming everyone other than herself for HER failings as a mother.
My dad will be angry as he really wants my mother and I to work things out, but do you no what I have realised, I am an adult, if I don't want to like my mother then I don't have to.
I have requested an appointment with my psychiatrist as I want to try different medication. I am not going to just sit quietly and be told what to do any more, I want an input in my final few weeks with the CMHT, I want things in order before I am discharged.
Ben the hamster bit me for the first time today, Bob and Betty are being really cute, I think they think all of the boxes that are around my flat for packing to move with are for them to play in, at least they are happy.
About Me
- I love Bob Betty
- Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder,Depression and Anorexia,I am described as a 'chronic' self harmer.My pets are my life,why don't you get to know us :)
Thursday, 2 June 2011
I am such an idiot
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:( I hope you are okay <3
ReplyDeleteIm thinking of you hun:-) xxx
ReplyDeleteSo, ... what's got you, relatively, so frequently, having self-injured to the point you need to be going to the hospital to get stitched up?
ReplyDeleteUhm, well, yeah, I presume the nature and frequency of the injuries, ... but ... what, of late, is leading you to that - and that severity and frequency? Something you can do to avoid that - or reduce the severity and/or frequency of it?
You're not required to love - or even like, anyone else in particular, ... be it family member or stranger or whomever. Not a requirement. You feel as you do. And especially, as an adult, really, no one can compel you to. So, ... you feel as you do. That's that. If it's not something you want to change, why try and force or push it? Does it really matter all that much? Or maybe better to move on to other things that can actually make your life better, and/or help you make life better for others. If there is or may be little to nothing to be gained there - perhaps spend the time/effort on more useful pursuits.
ReplyDeleteNot an idiot. :-) So, you've got some issues/problems you struggle with. Whatever. Really, who doesn't? So, ... no real use in beating yourself up with negative statements, eh? ... and especially if they aren't even true.
ReplyDeleteI really feel for you beautiful, this can't be easy for you and I wish you all the courage I possibly can. If only we could put the control we have over food into something like not self harming ! It's a shame life doesn't work that way,
ReplyDeleteMany hugs
xxx