Feeling good

Yes that is right, I am feeling good. I have been busy the last few days, well busy for me any ways, I am shattered, but feel like I have been achieving something the last few days. I have not self harmed for nearly a week, I have have not been doing too good food wise, have been eating about 800 calories, but have been purging several times a day. I need to break this habit.

I am already getting anxious about the therapy with my Mother on Friday, each day that goes by feels me with dread as I know it is a day closer to being Friday. She was creepily nice to me last night, calling me 'pudding', if you no my Mother you would no that that is just weird. My Dad has said that her mood has been a lot better this week, apparently she has been nicer to everyone. Is this because she has realised how badly she has treated us all of these years and is genuinely trying to make up for it or is this because she is trying to show that she is a good mother so that in my appointment on Friday she can go on about how wonderful she has been all week. Excuse me for being so sceptical but I am expecting it to be the latter of the two, I have lived with her mind games all of my life and just don't trust her.

Now that I have seen my new flat inside I am finding the wait almost unbearable. I can't really remember what it looked like inside any more (my shit memory) only that it has black work tops in the kitchen. Should hopefully be the 10th of June that I move still.

Bob is doing really well with his new behaviour plan, he has stopped trying to wake me up in the mornings, has started using his litter tray really well and has stopped whining all of the time for attention. Betty is as good as gold as always.

I am enjoying being more stable in my mood and am going to try and make the most of it for now. I actually had this weird foreign thought earlier that maybe I do deserve to be happy.