Letting down my voluntary jobs

I spend my life letting people down and today proved it. I have two voluntary jobs which I love. But I am not well enough to go at the moment, I have tried week after week all of this month, but just get so panicked by it. They are only three hours a week each, how hard is that?

I feel really pathetic, I am sure any one else would be able to manage, but not me. I am tired of being such a looser. But I am too tired and feeling too low to do anything about it.

I still have my baby sitter looking after me, so at least I am safe for now. But part of me wishes they weren't here, so that I could cut, just to slow down my racing mind for a little bit.

Still sticking just under 200 calories, there is no way I could go over, I would have to purge if I did.