parents want me to go on holiday

Well my depression is no change from yesterday. Had a conversation with the crisis team and given the usual advice, why don't you distract yourself with a nice hot bath with candles, great, I will do that and magically my depression will be better!

I have had suicidal thoughts racing through my head all night and day, but not the guts to do anything about it.

My parents came around to see me as they no I am struggling. I cried a lot at them, which I hate doing. They have come up with a suggestion, they are meant to be going on holiday on Saturday with my youngest brother, they are worried about leaving me, so they think it would be a good idea for me to go instead of my Mum. They think it would be good for me to get away for a bit and get out of my flat, as that is where I spend all day every day. I appreciate the offer, but going away does not make any difference to the way I feel, as I have to take my mind with me and it is my mind that is the problem. They are saying that they wont be able to enjoy the holiday any ways as they will be worrying about me back home and I don't want them to do that, but I really don't want to go.

My calorie intake is still really low, the last two days has been 128 calories per day. At least I am good at one thing.