Panic over lunch

Today my Mum wanted me and her to spend the day together, the immediate panic that pops into my head is lunch. Spending the day together normally involves that dreadful word and the panic that ran through me was unbelievable.

How can I be so scared of something that is so normal to every one else. Luckily my Mum had lunch and I had a diet coke and my Mum didn't even question it this time.

I miss being able to enjoy things like lunch with friends and family, at the moment anything to do with food involves a series of lies and excuses. That is probably the thing I hate about ED's, the amount of lying that your life becomes.

I am still being babysat, although I have self harmed once, as I have been left on my own for a few hours today. But the pressure inside of me has been unbearable and I actually purposely made it so I would be alone so I could do it, which I am not proud of.

Still unable to go over 200 calories, since the 2nd of July I have lost 1 stone and 2 pounds. I no it is wrong, but it feels so right at the same time.