I wanted to do it for him

My Dad and I went to town today, he was so desperate for me to have something to eat, every few minutes he would say something like "why don't we get some cake from in there" or "you used to love the cake in here". He was trying so hard, it nearly made me cry, I wanted to make him happy, I want to stop him from being so worried, but I couldn't do it. I just kept saying "I am OK thanks" or "not today thanks". I wish I could do it for him, but it just wasn't possible.

I think that is the hardest thing about having an eating disorder, it isn't the affect it has on you, it is what it does to your family, I am bit by bit destroying them too.

A few years ago, when I was extremely suicidal and had been actively trying to kill myself, my 17 year old cousin died in a car crash. After his funeral, whilst walking back  to the car, my Mum looked at me and said "please don't make me have to bury you", I don't think I have ever cried so much, hearing here saying that. It feels the same at the moment, I am slowly killing myself and am making my family watch. How selfish does that make me, or should  I say how selfish does anorexia make me.