So in my last post I was upset as I had badly binged that day, well that day turned into 6 long days of solid binging. I am mortified, this has never happened to me before, in all of my years of suffering from anorexia and bulimia, I have never gone a massive long binge like this, there was no distinction between binges apart from breaks for sleeping and purging. It was like my body was on this roller coaster and there was no way to stop it. I don't really remember much about it, I no that sounds a bit weird, but it felt like my brain was switched off and my body was running itself. I actually do think it was like some sort of instinct, a survival instinct I guess.
But it is over now, I woke up this morning and before even getting out of bed I new it was over, I woke up knowing that today I would stick to under 200 calories and that it wouldn't be a problem. I have had no thoughts of binging, no drive to eat anything other than what I had planned. So I am guessing my body has got what it so badly required and is happy to once again leave me to get on with things.
So what is the damage weight wise, well my BMI is no longer under 15, logically I no this is a good thing, but the anorexic part of me sees this as a challenge, the challenge of course is to see how quickly I can get it back to what is was, how quickly I can undo the damage that my 6 day long binge has done.
About Me
- I love Bob Betty
- Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder,Depression and Anorexia,I am described as a 'chronic' self harmer.My pets are my life,why don't you get to know us :)
o DON'T PANIC
ReplyDeleteo your body's been severely restricted/starved(!)
o given that, eating lots is mostly good! :-)
o try not to purge, or purge less if you can't stop entirely
o purging is harmful (and also not very effective anyway)
o chuck any notions of 200 calories per day or less
o one needs about 600 calories a day to maintain a coma
o to think, talk, get out of bed requires more calories than coma
o 200 calories per day would likely repeat starve/binge cycles
o head *not* telling you proper consumption, rely on experts, etc.
o healthy body requires ample food
o get body healthy, head then more likely to follow
o anorexia is *not* your friend
o anorexia grows by restricting/starving
o well feed yourself and you chase the anorexia away
Okay, perhaps easier said than done, but let that not be an excuse.
So, ... head's messed up about food, food consumption, body image, etc., well, eat well and appropriately (defer to the experts, etc.) - get your body healthy - or at least as healthy as feasible, then you've much more of a fighting chance to get your head fixed.
Do what you reasonably can to fight/hold off the nasty perceptions of self, negative perceptions about weight/BMI, etc. You probably know a fair amount about how to go about doing that ... probably a few zillion or so good tips on it on YouTube too, and I'm sure your therapist has and can help you out there too. In any case, eat quite ample and reasonably well - don't let any other sh*t in your head (thoughts/feelings or whatever) stop you on that.
You've been anorexic / starving yourself and feeling like sh*t way too long. Anorexia/starvation isn't making that better. Time to turn that around, and get yourself healthy ... get yourself healthy physically, or as best you can there, and then from there not only will you generally feel significantly better, but it'll be significantly easier in general to get yourself much more mentally healthy from that point.
So, not too long ago, I (elsewhere) suggested you eat at "an *entire* carrot for me. :-) Maybe even *two*. And good sized ones, not some itty bitty baby bite sized carrots only". So, ... did you manage to sneak in at least a carrot or two in those 6 days of bingeing?
Also, might want to better stock up on fruits and veggies. If some/many of them might spoil before you'd eat 'em or that's a concern, can have many/most of 'em frozen and/or canned - some of the fruits and veggies also keep quite a bit longer anyway (e.g. carrots, cabbage, potatoes). When you're going to eat - especially if/when you eat lots, the fruits and veggies will generally be quite a bit better for you - and they also tend to be more "binge resistant" (mostly takes more time to eat 'em - especially the fresh fruit and vegetables - so by the time you feel full (which does take a while), with fruits/veggies you've consumed a more reasonable amount - whereas with stuff like pasta/bread/cookies one can consume a whole lot more calories (and less nutrition) before one even feels full).
And if you've not been getting out, or not been getting out much, get some help with that food shopping - so you'll not only have food around to eat, but also, as much as feasible, much of it's healthier (and more binge resistant) food (e.g. fresh/frozen vegetables & fruit).
Okay, I'm waiting on the carrot report. ;-) You can swap those carrots out for apples, if you prefer. (or oranges, or ...)
Once upon a time, long time (over quarter century) ago, I wasn't doing so well. Had a phone conversation with a very good friend at that time. He managed to ask me what I'd eaten over the last several days or so. Also asked me what I did and didn't have around in the kitchen. He told me to go to the grocery store, told me what to buy, told me to get it home and eat it. I did. Didn't fix everything, but I did feel considerably better after eating what he'd directed me to purchase and eat.
ReplyDeleteSo, ... may be quite useful to take and follow some friendly / professional advice, ... and following it could get you feeling significantly better.