My rent was due on the 20th, I haven't paid it, the reason I haven't paid it is that I don't have enough money. I should have enough money, but I don't. I have spent all of my money on binge food over the last few weeks, now I don't have money for rent. Everything is getting further and further out of control, I don't think it has ever been this out of control. It needs to stop, I need to stop. I feel so utterly desperate.
I want someone to pick me up and cuddle me and make it better.
I have no idea what to do about my rent, I went to the bank to ask if I could have an overdraft, but they said no, I cannot ask my parents, one because it is my fault I have got myself into this situation and two, they physically don't have the money. What do I do? I can hardly say "I can't pay my rent this month as I have spent all of my money on binge food". I am hoping they will give me time, I have always paid my rent before and have lived her 6 years, they have to give me time right?
The binging is going to top tomorrow, I have said that day after day, but I really hope it is true this time. Michael, you say that the binging should run its course and that it wont do much harm for now, but it is the emotional harm that it is doing that I can't bare. I am used to being in such control, too much control I guess, but I have lost all control and I can't bare it.
About Me
- I love Bob Betty
- Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder,Depression and Anorexia,I am described as a 'chronic' self harmer.My pets are my life,why don't you get to know us :)
(1/2)So, ... would someone picking you up and cuddling you make it better? Really?
ReplyDeleteWell, I can't tell you precisely what's best to do about the rent situation - that would also vary depending upon the applicable laws/regulations where you are, but some general advice regarding that. In many jurisdictions, if one can't pay one's rent, paying it partially, or what one can, is better than not paying it at all. Also, depending upon landlord, etc., if one isn't able to pay it on time, in addition to paying what one can, negotiating out a payment plan that will allow one to get caught up will often help. There may be penalties/fees or additional charges for being late or not making payment in full on time per the rental agreement/contract/lease. Telling landlord why one isn't able to pay the rent, or pay it on time, may, or may not help.
Other bits - paying it early/earlier, when one has the funds, is a useful way to be sure those funds don't get spent on something else. If one can set the funds aside in a useful way and not touch them for any other purpose, that can be useful - but that requires a certain degree/type of self-control, and doesn't work for everyone.
If your rent funds are coming partially or fully from some type of government assistance, depending upon the program(s), it may be possible for them to pay the rent directly for you. They may also have ways the funds can go to some other responsible person or agency, that can pay the rent for you, and disburse the remaining funds for your various expenses and also remaining bits directly to you. E.g. there often are people who, due to disability, aren't able to manage their finances - there typically are ways by which assistance and payments can be managed for them.
Can / can hardly / can't say why you can't pay the rent? Again, whether or not saying why you're not able to pay may or may not be useful. If you do say, you don't have to be overly detailed. In any case, best not to lie about why, but again, needn't be more detailed than you need or want to be. E.g. "I overspent on something else due to a personal problem.", "I spent too much on food this month.", "I spent too much on take-out food this month.", "I messed up my budgeting this month and ended up short for the rent.", "I messed up.", etc., among possibilities. In any case, landlord is probably more interested in your getting caught up on rent, and reasonable assurances that you can and are able to, than necessarily any particular detail about exactly why/how you ended up not able to make the rent payment on time.
Well, the emotional harm can be rather/quite significant. As I've often heard it as reported (most notably by sufferers), the eating disorder is a "symptom", rather than cause, of the problem(s) ... though the disordered eating also causes problems too.
(2/2)So, ... among the binge harm ... there's the financial bit - too much money spent on food. But one can binge quite a lot without spending much on food too. There are quite inexpensive and very filling (and even semi-reasonably nutritious - at least in combination) foods. E.g. rice and beans - or rice and other dried legumes. Those can be quite inexpensive. If one adds to that some relatively inexpensive vegetables (prices and economy of such may vary depending upon one's location, but, e.g., for where I am, anyway) such as potatoes/cabbage/carrots and a bit of fruit (e.g. apples), one can binge on a lot of food, rather to quite inexpensively, and it can be *fairly* nutritious and mostly avoid being harmful (don't do lots of rice and nothing else - that can be quite problematic - but it's fine along with fair bit of other stuff - vegetables, vegetable sauces, or other foods mixed in or consumed at/around the same time). In any case, probably a helluva lot better for one that Domino's Pizza (yuck!) - not to mention tasting quite a bit better, and a whole lot more inexpensive too.
ReplyDeleteSo, ... if you fix the finance/budget bit of the binge, what problems, emotional and/or otherwise remain from the binging? ... presuming the binge peters out in three weeks or less time?
Lost all control? ... Really? Is it/that/"everything" really *that* out-of-control? Or is it more the case that it (mostly) just *feels* that out-of-control? Can you get help on that - dealing with the feeling(s)? ... and/or, as and where may be particularly needed/appropriate, the "control" itself? Which bits *really* need to be brought under control - as opposed to wanting(/"needing"?) to *feel* in control? Okay, need to fix the rent/budget/finance situation ... can you manage to do that by adjusting what you purchase for food - even if it's to binge on it? How much (cheap/cheaper) rice, dried beans/legumes and bits of cheaper veggies/fruit can you eat, and would it bust your budget? - I'm thinking probably not. Can you stick to a "diet" of that, or at least constrain your binge foods to something like that - or at least something much more economical, and at least *fairly* healthy/nutritious? If you're not able to get yourself to control the spending in such a manner, can you get help, so someone else can control or help control that for you - so you don't mess yourself up financially and end up, e.g., without the money to pay the rent? So, ... what else is actually out-of-control that needs to be fixed, rather than just *feels* out-of-control? And, sure, true, the "feels" stuff is significant and ought to get addressed too - but start with critical necessities, oh, like shelter, and rent for it getting paid ... get those bits under control, ... then come back and work on stuff that is or feels out-of-control, but isn't or may not be *as* critical.
So, ... if I recall correctly, I earlier saw on Twitter (Twitter seems to be having some, uhm, ... "performance" issues at present ... what, you thought nobody ever else had some kind'a out-of-control issues?) "Just sent an email to my mental health team telling them I want to be discharged straight away, I don't give a fuck any more, fuck everything" ... so, ... what was that all about, ... and what's present status on that? How goes the therapy etc. presently? ... and since you started the (I presume still) current binge?
Oh, and remember, DON'T PANIC :-) Panicking generally doesn't make things better. So, you've got a "situation" to deal with ... you work your way through it and continue on from there.
Hey Amy, just a quick note incase you didn't know about crisis loans from the DWP. The jobcentre hands them out and I know that they can be easy to get sometimes depending on why you need it etc but it will certainly come into play if you need it for rent. Anyway here's the link: http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/BenefitsTaxCreditsAndOtherSupport/On_a_low_income/DG_10018856
ReplyDeleteand http://www.dwp.gov.uk/publications/specialist-guides/technical-guidance/sb16-a-guide-to-the-social/crisis-loans/
It's always worth a try because if you don't get it you're in the same position, just keep anything that says you did/didn't get it so you can show your landlord and prove you are at least trying hard to pay the rent..
Let me know if you need help with it :)
Amy and Danielle xxx
:-( Hope you're ok sweetie. I wish I could say/do something to make it a bit better. I hope you find a way to pay your rent..the amount I spend on binge food is ridiculous. Literally throwing our money down the toilet x x x
ReplyDeleteOh yes Im with you on this one.....I blew a fortune between November and December....I could not understand why UNTIL i looked at my food diaries re Binge and Purge.....yuck...its horrible BUT we dont chose this life we have been given it and onlyus can turn it around (oh how easy it is to say that BUT I know its fucking hard to put into practice)
ReplyDeleteTakce Care Amy.....Im worried about you, I see the weight loss from 6 months ago to now (oh YES ED I know you are listening BUT Im telling you now AMY is worth 10 of you...so ED FUCK OFF)
Please be kind to yourself and take care hun
Lots of Love
x x x x