A pound up

So I am a whole pound up from last week so my psychologist will be pleased tomorrow, shame I don't feel so pleased, I feel like a failure. This week has been filled with more days of binging and purging than restricting, never something I feel happy about. I hate being out of control, which I am sure you have heard me say over and over again. I don't just want my control back I need it back, as I don't think I would be able to cope with another week like this.

I have managed to reassure my parents how 'fine' I am after eating my vege stew with them yesterday, it feels good to know that they have seen me eat a meal without a fuss, so they will have their minds put at rest for a while. I hate the stress I cause them, so ever once in a while it is nice to put their minds at ease.

My family is under a lot of pressure at the moment, one of my brothers is in a lot of trouble, by that I mean criminally, he is very lucky not to have gone to prison, but still continues to push his luck. Soon he is going to run out of luck and he isn't going to like the consequences. My eldest brother has been made redundant, my sister finds out on the 14th if she is being made redundant and my Dad took redundancy just before Christmas. So a lot of stress in my parents house at the moment. My baby brother (well 15 year old) is as good as gold though, he really is the sweetest and most sensible 15 year old boy you could ever meet.

Any ways, have my psychologist appointment at 9:30am tomorrow, a pound up, must remember it's a good thing.