Just had a good cry at the crisis team

Just had a good cry at  the crisis team, once I started I just couldn't stop, I hate it when that happens, it makes me feel really out of control.

I really struggled earlier to not take an overdose, my brain become so obsessed with doing it and I felt like I was arguing with myself. I even had a bath to distract myself, which ended up being an hour and a half long, mainly as I was terrified to get out as I was frightened I would reach for the tablets. I hate it when I get like this as I fell almost helpless to the urge. I haven't taken an overdose for so long and I do not want to go back to doing that, so why wont my brain listen?