Physio

Tomorrow I have a physio appointment for my arm, I must go to this one as so far I haven't had any physio after the physiotherapist upset me at my first appointment. I need the physio to get the function back in my hand, so I have to put my anxieties to one side and get on with it and go.

I took my Mums dog for a hour long walk earlier, so feel good for that. Towards the end though my legs started to really ache and feel weak, it is my fault, so I don't expect sympathy, I just no that achy legs is just going to be the start. I have been much further into anorexia before and so I no the pain that is to come. The chest pain, the hurting all over, the not being able to lie down comfortably because every bone in your body aches. I can remember even having to sit down to brush my teeth as I didn't have the energy to stand for those two minutes, Sometimes I wish I didn't no what is to come.

The inpatient treatment thing isn't looking as certain as it was at the beginning of last week, my psychiatrist thinks it is the right thing, my psychologist doesn't. So I feel a bit in limbo, it was really hard for me to come to the decision to agree to go, but once I had, I actually felt quite relieved, knowing I was not going to be fully responsible for keeping myself safe all the time any more. But now it may not even happen, I guess I will have to be patient and see, but it is hard to be patient when it is your life.

Today is my last day under the care of the crisis team, as of tomorrow I am being handed back to my CMHT, it is odd when you say handed back, it makes it feel so impersonal. The crisis team have been a great support to me this time, so I can't complain, I just hope that I wont need to go back under their care any time soon.