Thank you crisis team

The crisis team came out to see me again today, I guess I really need to thank them as they have kept me out of hospital. It is difficult having them here as I am not very good at opening up to people, so having two people coming to see me every day to talk about me feels a bit odd. They are helping though, just knowing that in a few hours they will be here gives me something to focus on. 

I would like to say self harm to starting to get under control, but it isn't, I am still self harming a lot and quite severely, I think that is the problem when you have been self harming as long as I have, the self harming tends to get deeper and more dangerous. I wish I could be satisfied with a tiny light cut, but I am not able to stop at that, I have to take it further and create ugly deep wounds.

Eating wise, stuck to the same as usual, under 200 calories. The crisis team didn't seem to concerned about that, I think they are focussing on my self harming and suicidal thoughts, as obviously they are the more dangerous of my behaviours.

A huge part of me wants to take handfuls of pills and go to sleep, but there is a part of me that wants to fight that, I just need to get that part of me stronger.