Mood has taken a plunge again

My mood has taken a plunge again today, I have been very tearful and have felt exhausted physically and mentally. As I am sat here now my eyes are stinging from crying, but I have nothing to cry about. I have self harmed several times today, I am trying hard not to do it again tonight, but I am not really sure what else to do with  myself. I am trying to remember what my psychologist would be telling me to do, I can hear her in my head "distract yourself" "you wont feel better once you have done it" etc etc. Sometimes it is easier to just give in.

I feel quite scared at the moment, my pattern seems to be changing, I think my moods are becoming more rapid in their cycle. I was on top of the world the other day, now I am really low, I am not used to flicking this quickly.

I was so determined the other day that recovery was going to happen with regards to my ED, I told everyone that this was it, I was going to get better. Now that seems like a distant memory, I have no enthusiasm for it any more, in fact I have lost weight. I dunno, I just don't really know what to do with myself.