I failed

I failed, today I ate a sandwich, a chocolate muffin and a hot chocolate, obviously purged and I mean really purged, I kept going until it was just stomach acid coming up. How can I have stood so strong for so long and then just fuck it up. It happened at 5:30 this evening, my sister wanted to meet for a coffee, as we were driving down I could feel myself arguing with myself,

'just eat what you want',
'no, just have a bottle of water',
'go on eat it',
'no, don't fail, you have worked so hard'
'eat it'
'no, I can't'

Then of course I did, I ate, I am so pissed of with myself, I couldn't wait to get home to empty the heavy, full, sick feeling in my stomach. Now I feel like a failure, the one thing I am normally so good at, I fucked it up. To compensate I will have to definitely reduce tomorrow, it's the only way.