please come back

I need my psychologist back ASAP, I need to talk to her, I need to no what is happening, not knowing is driving me mad, all I can think about is what the psychiatrist said about me going to Birmingham. I no I could phone and ask to talk to the psychiatrist and ask him, but I feel sick every time I think about it, I would much rather speak to my psychologist, I trust her.

Things are not going well, self harming is out of control again, I self harmed earlier and cut a bit too deep again, I could clearly see a tendon, I hadn't cut as deep to have damaged it, but I could clearly see it, it made me realise how easily screw up again and end up back in hospital having another operation and I really do not want that to happen again.

Eating disorder wise, things are the same, no more than 200 calories per day, my weight loss has really slowed down, obviously my metabolism is slowing down, which is to be expected. It kind of makes me angry, as I feel like I am doing all this hard work and am not being rewarded for it when I step on the scales. But I have been through this so many times before and no it happens and why.