Why I ignore my friends

A lot of my friends really don't understand why I do this, but when I am feeling particularly low, I ignore them. They will ring and ring and ring, I will just watch my phone ringing and cry. I wish they could understand that the reason I do that isn't because I don't like them or don't need them, it is the opposite, I want to protect them. I don't want my problems to be passed onto them, I don't want them to absorb my unhappiness. But also there are selfish reasons behind it too, I don't want them to hear me being depressed and decide they don't want to be my friend, or have that awkwardness off them not knowing what to say to me. Also there is obviously the main reason, when you are depressed you don't feel like being in your own company, let alone anyone else's.

Once again I have a killer earache, it seems to come on most evenings and is a very sharp earache, but is always gone by the morning. Maybe it is psychological, I just don't no.

My arm is doing OK, my cast is really stinking, so I can't wait till Thursday to get it off. I am able to move my fingers reasonably well, which to me seems good, but apparently that isn't that impressive, the main tendon that I damaged controls the movement of my hand, ie bending my hand towards my wrist and I wont be able to tell if that has worked until I get the cast off. the tendon that controls my fingers was only partly damaged, hence the reason I have got my finger movement back so quickly.

Although I am excited to get the cast off, I am also really nervous, I am scared to see my arm, as the wound that I made was pretty large, but the surgeon had to make it even bigger. My arms have been a mess for a number of years, but it still scares me as to what it is going to look like now.

I have been working on a project, but it is going to remain a secret until it is finished.