Urge to self harm

The urge to self harm has been so strong today, I am trying so hard to fight it, as I have been doing so well since my operation. I keep looking at my hideous wound on my wrist from the operation, I look at it to remind myself how disappointed I was in myself when I did it, to try and stop me doing it again, but at the moment I have gone past caring, I just want to give in.

I have had a busy day today, probably not busy by most peoples standards, but by my standards it was a hectic day. I feel really lame about the fact that I get so tired so easily, it is pathetic.

My Dad said to me that he is so happy that I seem to be doing a lot better at the moment, he said it makes him really happy when I am well. It is really nice when he says that, but it is also really hard, as one, he still doesn't no that even though I seem a little better at the moment, there is still so much going on in my head. Also it is hard when he says it, because it makes me even more scared of failing, as I no how unhappy it will make him, but failure feels inevitable.

Don't you hate the fact that it isn't just life you are fucking up, it is every one around you's lives too.