Day two is complete, yepee :)
weight~ 6 stone 9 pounds
Intake~ 2 1/2 litres of water and 3 green teas
I had a terrible nightmare last night, not just a bad dream, but a proper nightmare, I think I woke myself up screaming, well that was what it felt like any ways. I can't even really remember what is was about, parts of it was me standing at my bedroom window trying to shout out, but I couldn't, there was something in my flat with me that was scaring me, but I can't remember what is was. All I no was I woke up bolt upright and very panicky, it took me a while to calm down and I still felt anxious when I woke up properly in the morning.
My jaw is extremely painful today, if you don't know I have a problem with my TMJ joint, it required surgery a year and a half ago, but requires surgery again, so is very painful. If you ask me very nicely I will post the pictures taken during my original operation, but they aren't for the faint hearted! They took medical photos as I am a rare case, nice to be different I suppose.
I spent some time with my sister this afternoon, which was really nice, we don't see each other as much as I would like and she has just spilt up with her partner, so we did a bit of window shopping, it had to be window shopping as both of us are skint, but it is always nice to dream about the clothes you wish you could afford to buy!
I wish I could chew chewing gum, as that always helps whilst fasting, but I can't due to my jaw problem, it is annoying as I need something to do with my jaw (other than talking). I may treat myself to a packet tomorrow and just suffer the consequences with my jaw, it hurts any ways, so a bit more pain wont do much.
About Me
- I love Bob Betty
- Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder,Depression and Anorexia,I am described as a 'chronic' self harmer.My pets are my life,why don't you get to know us :)
I dont like reading this....it worries me dearly. You and I both know that it's not good to be doing this, I also know why you are doing it though as well! It sounds to me like the ED has a really strong grip on you at the moment and also that you are letting it. I dont mean to be sounding like a nag its just that i care too much to see you go to far and end up really ill or worse. Are you not recieving care in the community....you should be under an Eating Disorder Team or something surely? How can they let you slip by??
ReplyDeletePLease take care and be as safe as you can be....you have my number if you need it...much love me x x x
I agree with Lotte completley, but I know your doing something I would do as well and I know it feels good, physically it hurts but in your mind you're winning, you're in charge.
ReplyDeleteI hope that you're okay and even if you;re not I hope you're getting there,
xoxo
Many hugs
Hey Amy
ReplyDeleteWe're glad to see you're feeling OK for the moment. Aside from your jaw- which sounds nasty, you poor thing! Great that you got to catch up with your sister too, that kind of time is special :)
Take care of yourself, we're thinking of you!