I failed

So I failed my water fast today, I binged like f**k, I am sure every one was expecting it, I think I was even expecting it.

This means I am going to start again tomorrow from the beginning and I will do better. As I was binging I was crying, mainly as I new how disappointed I was going to be with myself, but I didn't attempt to stop it, I just let it carry on.

I have my pilates class in a min, I am scared I may be sick during the class as I have hardly purged. Purging is too easy for me, I wanted to punish myself by keeping it all inside me. Binging and not purging will hopefully make me so uncomfortable and upset, which will hopefully make me less likely to do it again any time soon.

I am really struggling financially and spent my last £12 on binging, I do not have any money coming in until Tuesday. Have no idea what I am going to do, I have already sold all of my DVDs and CDs, I have nothing else to sell.

I haven't even got the money for pilates tonight and am hoping the instructor will allow me to pay double next week instead.

Once again I am a joke.