It got to 7:30pm and I caved and ate a apple and a toasted muffin. I think I may as well give up trying to fast for any significant amount of time as I always fuck it up. What I don't understand is that this all used to be so easy, I never used to think 'I am going to fast for x amount of days' it would just happen. Maybe I should just go back to my 200 calories a day, I am better at that. As it is going at the moment I don't care as long as I don't binge.
I have ordered my ballet shoes today, my Dad has kindly paid for them and I have to give him the money back when I get some money, which should be Tuesday. I hate having to borrow more money off my Dad, but I need the shoes to be able to start the class. I will definitely pay him back and my Dad knows that.
About Me
- I love Bob Betty
- Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder,Depression and Anorexia,I am described as a 'chronic' self harmer.My pets are my life,why don't you get to know us :)
It's good you're trying to do activities, it's something i've always found really difficult.
ReplyDeleteRemember to think of all the concequences fasting has on your body, I hate to think about it hurting you,
I do hope things get better,
xoxo
And apple and toasted muffin sound good.
ReplyDeleteBest not to be fasting/restricting when weight and BMI are so low.
Okay, drafted this a while back (well over a week ago), might not have gotten around to finishing writing/editing it, but nevertheless, to perhaps be considered ...
ReplyDeleteNot f*ck it up, but well survived! With weight/BMI quite low, go on a fast, and body fights to survive - e.g. it'll take advantage and eat when it can or can make opportunity - not a bad thing - keeps you alive, among other things.
So, ... fast be gone :-) ... now ... *if only*... okay, (much) easier said than done, *but* ... I don't know that you've ever had binges that went on for quite extended periods of time (e.g. 3 or more weeks quite continuously and heavily every day) ... so ... maybe for the most part, ... or at least a significant degree, ... perhaps binges aren't *that* much of a problem for you? ... well, ... other than how you feel about them (which is itself quite significant) and/or any purging bits along with that. *But*, "other than that" ... maybe binges aren't that much of a threat/problem for you (well, okay, too, there's also the bit about how much money's spent on what kinds of foods consumed and such). So, ... "just sayin'" ... if you can avoid the fasting/restricting (which is *not* good for you - you may - at least at times - think/feel otherwise, but the fasting/restricting is quite unhealthy) ... and not so much fight or fear the binges ... in your case it seems the binges level off in relatively short order (a few days or less) without you necessarily even needing to "fight" them, ... anyway, ... *somewhere* in there, you might find a reasonable balance *starting* to approach healthy. "Just" (yeah, I know, no where near easy, *but*) ... "give up" the fasting/restricting ... don't "fight" the binges (but may want to adjust what one binges on, so it's healthier and (much) more economical - maybe help that by what foods one keeps around), ... so, anyway, manage to do those two things, and not - or mostly not purge ... and might get *kind'a* close to eating almost "normal" and reasonably healthy and such. Sure, still lots to work on how you feel about food and yourself in relation to food and such (e.g. control, etc.) ... but if you can get the food consumption quite a bit closer to "normal", maybe you'd be a fair chunk of the way along winning that war with eating disorders. Or maybe I've got the order wrong or somewhat wrong? Maybe it's more practical to first "fix" - or at least improve, the thoughts and feelings around food and self and such, and then the rest will be closer to being "fixed". In any case, seems working it from either end, or both ends, it *can* get much better. Hang in there, keep working on it, don't give up. It *will* get better.