I missed that familiar feeling of hunger, during my recent binge cycle I never got that lovely feeling of going to bed hungry, I missed it so much. It isn't the feeling of hunger itself, it is the feeling of success that I love. When I am not hungry I know I am failing, when I am hungry I know I am succeeding.
I don't really know what is happening with regards to my mental health treatment. Last week I emailed my psychologist saying I wanted to be discharged from the CMHT, she asked me to still attend my appointment the following day so that we could discuss this. I did attend the appointment and told her I still wanted to be discharged. I left the appointment promising I would think about the reasons why I wanted to be discharged and that I would write them to my psychologist so that I could be honest. I did this and wrote her a letter and dropped it in to the receptionist to be passed on to my psychologist. I was very honest and to the point in the letter and it felt nice to get everything out. I later received a email from my psychologist saying she was sorry I was feeling so low and out of control and could I attend a appointment with her on the 2nd at 2pm, I initially sent an email back saying there was nothing to discuss. I regret that now, as obviously there are things to discuss. Was I just having a childish strop? I do not know, but I never had a reply to the last email I sent, this could be because she didn't get the email as often she doesn't get my emails due to their email system not liking external emails, or did she just not want to reply, or did she just assume I would change my mind? I dunno, all I know is that part of me wants to go to the appointment tomorrow and part of me just want to be left alone.
Any ways Bob did another poo on me in the night, thanks Bob!
About Me
- I love Bob Betty
- Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder,Depression and Anorexia,I am described as a 'chronic' self harmer.My pets are my life,why don't you get to know us :)
Hey Amy, it's likely she didn't get the email in time. Are you going? It might be a good idea, I doubt she's cancelled your slot so there's still a chance if you can get there...leaving now! :)
ReplyDeleteGoing to bed hungry usually isn't considered a good thing. Just because something's familiar - even something one may have become "comfortable" with, that doesn't necessarily mean it's a good thing. Success is good. But being hungry is *not* success. Keep working on adjusting what is and feels to be success to and for you - it should be stuff that's truly good and healthy for you.
ReplyDeleteGood to get stuff out/expressed/"processed". I can understand the frustration, etc. with the mental health treatment. And probably quite good to share what you're thinking and feeling in those regards with your therapist. But quiting/withdrawing from the mental health treatment probably isn't a good idea.
Anyway, hope you have and will follow-through on your appointments and such. If you feel there's nothing to discuss - well, you don't *have* to discuss anything ... but probably at least good to go nevertheless - if, then, you feel like saying, discussing, writing something, crying, or doing nothing - well, at least you've got appointment, time, and opportunity - you go, ... you can do those things, ... or not, but the options and opportunity remain there. If you don't go, back out of the stuff, etc., well, you cut off a whole lot of those options, and opportunities to be helped, and work to help yourself, etc., ... so probably best to go ... even when you don't or may not feel like going. Therapy can be hard - sometimes you may feel you very much don't want to go - but it's a process - it mostly works and helps and helps you get better - even if some of it may be rough or uncomfortable along the way.