I seem to be swinging from a day of restriction followed by a day of binging and purging. I hate being out of control like this, I want the control back that I used to have.
So today has been all about sticking to my calorie limit, 200 calories, it has been no problem at all. Yesterday I ate for England, feasting on cakes, hot chocolate, ice cream etc. I went to bed feeling so disgusted with myself, a type of hatred that you should never feel about yourself. I will go to bed tonight feeling proud, almost euphoric. I can't remember what it feels like to go to bed feeling normal, in the middle. I am constantly swinging between the two extremes.
I have put another video on Oscars channel, check it out http://www.youtube.com/user/TheOscarSaysShow
About Me
- I love Bob Betty
- Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder,Depression and Anorexia,I am described as a 'chronic' self harmer.My pets are my life,why don't you get to know us :)
Alternating between binge/purge cycles, and 200 calories/day ... now, ... if you could just average 'em out and stick to that, might be something pretty close to "normal".
ReplyDeleteHow 'bout 2,000 calories per day? Eat well, but under "binge" levels, and that'd also keep you sufficiently well fed you wouldn't get so starving/hungry - which likely triggers binges.
Come on, ... 200 --> 2000 ... it's just a 'lil zero, ... zeros don't bother you on the calories, right? ;-)
Okay, I know, ... easier said than done. But still, try some more, eh? Can't live on 200 calories a day. Is it not surprising you try to do 200 calories a day, and you ping pong between that and binge/purge? How 'bout try 2000. It's just a wee 'lil zero you need to sneak in there. :-)
Michael, I wish you lived in England, I have images in my mind of you putting a massive plate over flowing with food in front of me and saying it is only another zero!:)
ReplyDeleteI'd probably sneak it in as a series of smaller plates, so none would be too overwhelming.
ReplyDelete;-)