My discharge CPA was a waste of time, we ran through the fact that it is up to me now to put all I have learnt into practice, they have recommended that I apply to a charity that provides support for people with mental health problems in the community, they can help you with social, vocational and work things. So I am going to give that a go, maybe it would help to provide a bit more structure to my days.
I was sad to leave my psychologist, we have been seeing each other for 3 1/2 years, she knows intimate details of my life, things that I had never trusted with anyone and probably never will. She says we can keep in contact by email. She sent me this earlier.
Hi Amy, Thank you so so much for your lovely card and present, they are
so lovely and your words meant so much to me. I really do hope you put everything you know in to practise and show yourself some of the love and compassion you have for everyone else. Also, believe in yourself, like I believe in you....I would so love to hear that you are doing well. Take care Amy and remember I'm not going anywhere!! With love, Julie
So I guess it is up to me now, time to sort myself out, stop blaming everyone else for my mistakes and issues, take responsibilities for my actions.
At the moment my biggest struggle is an obsession I have developed with the idea of stabbing myself in the stomach, it is constantly rushing around my head, every time I see a knife I have to argue with myself and force myself not to pick it up and force it deep into my stomach. I am used to having these weird obsessions, but this one is particularly disturbing as I so want to do it, just to feel it, how screwed am I?
So what is the plan when sorry if things go tits up? Well back to my GP, he can refer me back to the CMHT, I will bypass the waiting list as I am known to be a risk. If it is immediate help I need if I am in a deep crisis then my GP can refer me direct to the Crisis Team. But hey, I am better now, so who gives a fuck.
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