Things to be discussed

I have an appointment with my psychologist, psychiatrist, Mum, Dad and sister on Thursday, shitting myself. Over the years I have been subjected to many similar meetings, I should be used to it, but I am not, I hate them.

My sister is the best in these situations, My Dad goes to pieces and tends to hold my hand and rub it like he is in Aladin and rubbing the genies lamp. My Mum does my nut in, she normally gives the big speech which I can normally quote as follows 

 "We are so proud of Amy, she has had to work harder than the others (meaning my 3 brothers and my sister), things don't come naturally to her like they do to everyone else, everything she has ever done she hasn't found simple, the others can just do things, it comes naturally to them, not to Amy" blah blah blah

This big speech goes on and on, she thinks it makes me feel better, like she is letting me no that it doesn't matter that I am not like everyone else. This speech has been rolled out at any and every opportunity. I dread it. It just confirms the fact that I have so far managed to fuck up everything I have ever tried to do and probably will continue to.

My sister on the other hand is great, she listens carefully, understands what is being said and most of all sticks up for me. She is the one that counts in these meetings.

Things that need to be discussed, lithium (or I am wanting to look at other mood stabilisers) my psychologist didn't realise I hadn't been taking them, whoops, my bad. Just shows the excellent communication between my psychologist and psychiatrist!

My planed discharge, I am definitely not going to be seeing my psychologist after June, due to my lack of wanting to change, lack of co-operation and the fact I am a waist of space. Options are full discharge from CMHT, full discharge with rapid re-entry plan or partial discharge with a CPN. 

Apparently the role of the CMHT has changed, where as you used to stay under them for years and years being monitored, now they are only there to support you whilst you are engaging in therapy, then it is bye bye to you, see you later, off you go. All good fun :)

Any ways, I am full of beans today, haven't been able to sit still. I was chatting away to my little bother on the phone and he said "are you heading for another manic, you are acting a bit odd again", I guess the answer to that appears to be yes. I decided at half 2 this afternoon I would hop on the train and head to Bath city, why not aye. I had no idea what to do whilst there, I wasn't really thinking ahead, had no money (apart from some money I was meant to be holding for my sister), I just needed to be moving, be around busyness. I walked around for a bit, considered doing a bit of shoplifting, but decided against that, ended up spending my sisters money on binge food and then purging in the train station toilets, classy!