Struggling with myself

I am really struggling, I feel extremely low, but the main feeling is still anger. I feel angry that I was giving hope off the chance of recovery and then had it ripped away from me. I feel lost and alone and scared. I guess I had always hoped that someone would rescue me, but now I no I am alone in this.

So what do I do to make it better? I turn to the coping mechanisms that are slowly killing me, I self harm more than in a long time and I restrict my calorie intake even lower. It is all I no, it is the only way to cope. The alternative is to not cope, which feels like a great option, I picked up a months worth of my meds yesterday, the temptation to take the lot and be free is huge, but for now I can push that away.

Is life worth living? That one I can not tell you at the moment, we will have to see.